I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
