I feel like abortions should bother me more
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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