There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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