Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
