I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
