Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
