yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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