I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
