So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
