He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
