Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
