The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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