Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
