currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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