would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
