why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
