I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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