That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
