She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
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there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
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She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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