apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
