Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
