small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
