Kiss
Puke
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Floor bacon is actually really good
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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