He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
