i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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