Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
