Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
