I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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