when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
So. Much. Porn.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
