I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
