He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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