i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
