So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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