He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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