WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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