How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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