he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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