Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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