Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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