one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
