Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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