i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
