Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
