I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
