It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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