the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I checked into jail on foursquare
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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