Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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