White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
