Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
