I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
