I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
