I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
