We're facebook friends in real life
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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