I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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