I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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