I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize