The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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