You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
