Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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