alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I deserve this hangover.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
