dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
