Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
