Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
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So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
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He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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