After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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