The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Two words: nipple clamps
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