I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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