It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
