My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize