so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
