There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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