i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
