im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
worst night to have a conscience
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
