Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
