Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
