Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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