dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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