You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
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Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
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I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize