Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Randomize
