I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
